Can I write memoir even if I don’t remember everything?
It’s a blessing and a curse when writing memoir—unlike writing fiction, you don’t have to come up with a story from scratch. But, also unlike fiction, you are beholden to the truth. And the truth lives inside your memories, which can be elusive little buggers.
Image by Michal Jarmoluk from Pixabay
The nature of memory
First, let’s talk a little bit about where memories live and how they behave. They do not exist in organized bins with fancy hand-lettered labels. They are intertwined with each other in surprising ways at times. Searching your memory is much more like hunting for something in the attic than doing an online grocery order. In the attic, you have to dig through many things you don’t want (at least, not now) until you find what you’re looking for. You can’t just type something into the search bar and see it magically appear in your cart.
Create a welcoming environment
When writing, try to create a welcoming environment for your memories. Coax them, don’t yank. Try these ideas for lubricating the mental cogs:
Minimize distractions. Find a quiet place to work. Maybe even begin your writing session with some meditation to open your mind and let go of anxieties.
Talk with others who share the memory.
Listen to music from that time period.
Visit locations relevant to the story.
If you feel stuck, just start writing something. Don’t stare too long at a blank page. It’s okay if it seems like only clutter is coming out (remember the attic). The gems will be mixed in with the clutter.
If you can’t think of answers, write down questions instead. This will signal to your brain to more deeply contemplate the topics and may help you consider them in a new light.
Keep a journal
Even after your writing session has ended, your subconscious will continue to think about your story. Keep a journal for your project, and have it handy when ideas pop into your mind randomly. They may not come back again. No matter how small the detail—a few words of conversation, the color of a character’s eyes, how their hand felt on yours. Write it down.
And on the note of journaling, you can do your future self a favor by keeping a regular journal. When you decide to write another book down the road, you’ll have invaluable field notes, things you might never have remembered, no matter how welcoming and patient you were. Give those hard-working memories an assist!
Be patient
When writing memoir, be gentle with your memories. Be grateful for what they are, and don’t ask them to be more than they are. You couldn’t do this without them.
Trust your mind to do the work you need it to. Think of it like another being who will perform best with encouragement and patience, not criticism.
Remember that stories reveal themselves gradually. Your story is in there. Trust that it will come out, one piece at a time.
